It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Randomize
