I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do vagina's smell?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
