toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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