If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize