Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize