Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
