Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
