$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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