I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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