Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
