In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
