Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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