Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the day after is always just damage control
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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