Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
