You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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