Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
