So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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