it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
