Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You ruined the universe
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
