I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
