you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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