Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
