Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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