How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
