come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
