How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
