Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
