if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
