It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize