I'm going to jail i love you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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