i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
