So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
