what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
