Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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