I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
