it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
