mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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