***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
