i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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