Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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