hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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