how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
