Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
