I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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