He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
