She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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