im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
