someone threw a dead crab at me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
