hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize