i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
