are you still at the devil's house?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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