i need an iv and a liver transplant
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
