I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
