i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
