i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
