My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
