She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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