I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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