Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
