No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
