Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
