Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
