girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
as a side note pls kill me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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