You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
