i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
