You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
