i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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